You love your partner. You’ve built up a wonderful life together. You think they’re hot. But for some reason, something is lacking in the bedroom department. Sex these days feels a bit mechanical; it’s all a bit “let’s get this over with so we can watch Netflix”.
If you’re feeling disconnected in a relationship, you’re not alone! All too often, kids, work and stress get in the way of that closeness you once loved about your relationship. Now you’re lucky if you fit in a quickie when the kids go to bed.
Mechanical sex manifests itself mostly in long-term relationships. By now, you already know how to get each other off, so you tend to skip the build-up and playfulness – which is a massive part of the fun! Let’s talk about what you can do if you’re feeling sexually disconnected from your spouse, so you can learn to enjoy the journey to orgasm and re-build that connection.
Have you disappeared from sex?
If you’ve noticed yourself disappearing from sex lately, you might be surprised to hear that this is a good sign! You’ve acknowledged the disconnect and you’re ready to do something about it. It might be that a part of you is still present, but you know the sex isn’t as enjoyable as it could be (or it once was).
Are you feeling as though you’re just “going through the motions” or that you can’t quieten down your overactive mind and be present in the moment?
What to do if you’re feeling disconnected in a relationship
If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship during sex, the key to relighting that fire is in mindfulness.
1. Pause whatever you’re doing
Take a moment to recognise if you’re acting mechanically – are you touching your partner in a certain way just because that’s what you’ve always done? Consciously bring some awareness around the moment.
2. Connect with your body
Focus on the sensations you’re experiencing, not just in your penis but elsewhere around your body. Notice how you’re feeling. Breathe deeply to really tune into your body, inhaling through your nose and exhaling slowly and deeply through your mouth.
3. Connect with your partner
Zone into the sounds and sensations happening in the bedroom and get your mind off of that upcoming meeting. Listen to your partner’s breath and gradually bring your breathing in-sync. Make eye contact to create a deeper connection between yourself and your partner.
When you experience sexual synergy, you get to enjoy more pleasurable, fulfilling experiences.
4. Ask your partner what they want
Check in with your partner. Don’t just assume they want to follow the usual routine. Maybe they want to try something different, but feel unable to ask. Get comfortable with asking your partner for what you’d like them to do, too.
Book an initial session to re-discover your sexual self
Want to reintroduce intimacy to your relationship? My Initial MGP Session (50/50 Meet & Greet and Practical) is a perfect way to get some hands-on training.
Book your confidential session here and let’s put mechanical sex behind you, and make fast sex a rare treat – not your easy go-to!