Identifying an addiction is the first step to letting go of a habit that is holding you back and not serving you in a positive way. You may recognise that you are addicted to porn and/or seeing escorts if it is affecting your sexual experiences and is a consuming daily habit that you don’t feel in control of.  

Like all addictions, the brain is the main culprit of you going back again and again for more. Your brain is full of millions of cells that that are fed by information from neurotransmitters. When you are masturbating to porn, the explicit images you see make you feel good and these good feelings get coded in your brain. The release of these feel good hormones become associated to masturbating to porn. With the billions of people that consume it, it is no surprise that so many people are chemically addicted to porn.

I find with my clients that many of them also turn to escorts to find relief. While this is fine and nothing to be ashamed of, it can take a grappling hold of your life when it becomes a habitual and something you don’t feel in control of. It can also be particularly problematic if it’s happening in secret inside a monogamous relationship.

I find that men in relationships turn to escorts for different reasons. The most common reasons are wanting to escape stressful situations, things could be particularly stressful at work or everything might be very full on at home with the kids and they simply want to escape their reality momentarily. Another reason could be that they don’t feel as intimate and close to their wife as they used to, and they want to feel this with someone if they aren’t being intimate at home. Some clients have opened up to say that have sexual fantasies and desires but don’t feel comfortable talking to their wife about it, so they seek an escort to satiate their desires. I know that many of these men know what they are doing is wrong but they don’t know how to stop. Their brain has literally been hardwired to associate pleasure with visiting escorts, and often what starts to happen is they start losing interest in their wife.

When you ejaculate, the hormone oxytocin is released. Oxytocin is a feel good hormone that is believed to help you bond with your sexual partner. The brain gets used to oxytocin being released through being with an escort, and the more you have sex with an escort, the deeper this association gets implanted on your brain.

The same can be said for when you watch porn. The brain associates watching porn with feeling good, and this is where the hypothalamus comes in. The hypothalamus is the part of the brain that regulates your mood. When it notices a lack of feel good hormones, the hypothalamus sends signals to your brain to go and do the thing that will make you feel good. The hypothalamus sends these messages out so that it can balance out your mood. This is when you experience feelings of craving, desperation, depression even. Your brain remembers what feels good, so it creates these feelings of craving and desperation to get you to consume porn, visit an escort, have another cigarette, piece of cake etc. so that you can get relief. Feeling a sense of anxiety and loss of control is a clue that you may be addicted to porn and/or escorts.

Habit has a big part to play and the hypothalamus again plays a role. If you consume porn at the same time every day, your brain will start sending signals in the lead up to this time to ensure those feel good chemicals get released and balance is restored. If you abstain (particularly if you are in your usual setting) then your brain is going to ramp up and intensify those cravings even more until you cave in. Same goes with escorts, if you typically visit an escort at the same time each week, this will be ingrained into your mind and signals will be sent to remind you that you need to set up a session. Habit could also be that you visit escorts whenever you’re feeling low and so whenever you have a bad day, that’s what you go and do.

When you abstain, withdrawal symptoms go into overdrive which is why so many people find it hard to overcome addictions. This is where habits come in. To successfully overcome an addiction, you need to replace the unhealthy habit with a new healthy habit. New daily positive habits and routines are the secret to success.

I have found that abstaining for a period of time from porn and escorts and repeating new positive routines will allow you to overcome your dependence on it and free you up to more positive sexual experiences. 30 days is considered the minimum number of consecutive days that it takes to form a new habit. It is what I recommend to my clients for the best results because it’s so simple and I’ve seen it work time and time again. Essentially this is the amount of time that it takes to reprogram your brain, which isn’t that long when you think about it! The key is in remaining committed to your new daily habits as a replacement for your old habits. That isn’t to say you can never watch porn again, just that in order to overcome the addiction, a commitment to abstaining for 30 days is recommended.

I find self-confidence is a major hinderer when it comes to overcoming being addicted to watching  porn and / or seeing escorts. When you don’t feel confident in your ability to overcome your addiction and have feelings of self-loathing then it is much more difficult to muster up the motivation. This is why I love what I do, because I get to provide encouragement and tools so that my clients feel motivated and empowered to succeed.

Even if you miss a day or fall of the wagon, it’s ok, things happen, we have down days etc. When this happens it’s important not to put too much energy and focus on to the fact that you slipped up. Like I said, it happens! Most people use it as an excuse to go straight back to their old habits. This is where your self-confidence and empowerment comes in. You don’t need to waste energy sabotaging and shaming yourself (which will only induce more negative feelings to make you cave in), instead all you need to do is acknowledge that you’re only human and it’s ok to stumble from time to time. Then you just commit to tomorrow being a new day, be proud of the work you have done so far and start again.

If any of this has resonated with you and you would like to learn more, you can set up a free 1:1 discovery session with me. As I mentioned, being addicted to porn and seeing escorts is very common and I have helped hundreds of men replace it with intensely more pleasurable sexual experiences, solo and with a partner. As ever, all correspondence and sessions are 100% discreet and your details will never be shared.

Take my Free Sexuality Quiz and set up a free Discovery Session today. 

Reb XO