Delve a Little Deeper With Rebel: Solving Sexual Performance Anxiety in Men

I once read a saying that went:

Behind every problem, there is a question trying to ask itself.

Behind every question there is an answer trying to reveal itself. 

Behind every answer there is an action trying to take place. 

And behind every action there is a way of life trying to be born.

Yup, it’s a bit vague, but I’m a strong believer that almost all problems can be solved. And, as a men’s Sex Coach in Brisbane, it got me thinking about how imperfections in the bedroom can almost always be worked out. Even if you’ve been struggling with a stubborn sexual issue for quite some time, I’m confident that dedicating hours to practice and work with me could see that smile and that satisfaction return.

In this blog, I’m going to introduce some common issues that men face – whether around sexual performance anxiety or something else. If yours isn’t covered here, don’t stress. Get in touch with me and we’ll see if we can work through it together. I guarantee I’ve seen and heard it all before.

ED (erectile dysfunction)

There are a number of things that can lead to sexual performance anxiety. From stress, anxiety and depression through to concerns about aging, guilt, and memories of a traumatic experience, getting it up can feel like a constant battle between you and your penis.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is the medical term for what happens when there isn’t enough blood flow to the penis to keep up an erection. You might be unable to get it up in the first place, or you might have an erection that isn’t solid enough to have sex or maybe you lose your erection mid way.

In some cases, an underlying medical issue is to blame for ED. But I don’t recommend diving straight into taking medication because more often than not, psychological issues are stopping your guy from standing to attention. And you can start to work on these these through:

• Understanding the role that emotions play in our sex life and wider physical life
• Switching up any negative attitudes towards sex
• Opening up communication between you and your partner
• Learning new ways and about different sexual techniques
• Trying out different types of foreplay, lubricants, etc.
• Focusing on what’s distracting you and eliminating in the bedroom
• Seeing a therapist or Sex Coach

Premature ejaculation (PE)

“Blowing your load” before penetration or too soon after penetration is a common concern. PE can make men feel as though they’re not able to fully satisfy their partner, which often leads to holding off from sex completely. And, believe me, that’s not the answer!

Instead of blaming yourself or shrugging sex off as something you “just don’t really do anymore”, something you wish to avoid, remember that premature ejaculation isn’t your fault! It could be caused by anything from stress to low self-confidence, unresolved conflicts with your partner, or past sexual repression. Too often it is caused by rushing things when you masturbate and so overtime its a learned behaviour.

Sex therapy or a Sex Coach can usually help – as long as you’re prepared to put in the work. Working with a men’s sex coach like me, you’ll learn the strategies that help to delay ejaculation, and identify the personal obstacles in your way, to ultimately grow your confidence.

Delayed ejaculation (difficulty climaxing)

If your release happens too late (or not at all), ejaculation and/or orgasm can feel out of reach for you. Many men actually find that they can ejaculate during self-pleasure, but not when they’re with a partner. 

If you’re in this camp, you might benefit from working with a couples sex coach, who can help you get on the same level. It might just be that you have a high orgasm threshold. In other words, how aroused you have to be in order to reach orgasm. Of course, there might be some simple re-adjustments you can make in the bedroom to help bring on that ejaculation. Even – dare I say it – so you can orgasm at the same time as your partner!

Some reasons you may experience DE include:

• Being too concerned about your partner. A selfless lover sounds great, but your pleasure matters, too! 
• Moving into penetration before you’re fully aroused.
• High reliance on masturbation, which can condition the body to only reach orgasm in this way.

Of course, it could be something different entirely! Delving into the “why” is often the first step to the “ohhh yeah”.

Lack of sexual desire

Sometimes we just don’t feel like having sex. And that’s perfectly fine. Testosterone levels decline from the age of 18 and we no longer fantasise about every person we see. However, if you’re noticing an ongoing lack of desire, or a sudden drop in libido, it’s probably worth having a closer look at what’s going on.

A sex therapist or sex coach can help turn your sex drive up a gear. We can uncover the emotional reasons for your drop in sex drive, dissolving the issue together until you’re ready to get back down to business.

Book a free chat to find out if Sex & Intimacy Coaching is for you …

If you’re feeling like you’ve lost your way around the bedroom, getting on the line with a friendly voice can help. I also suggest that you click on my FAQ page as some of your questions can be answered there. After reading through my website, send me an sms or an email and we can set up a brief chat to find out whether my mens or couples sex coaching services suit you. It’s obligation and cost-free, so you have nothing to lose!

No more sweeping your problems under the rug! Contact me and let’s alleviate that sexual performance anxiety together.