What do Sex Coaches do?
When I tell someone that I’m a Sex and Intimacy Coach, they generally get a bit puzzled. Often, I get “Oh, so like, are sex coaches like a sex therapist?” Well not exactly. “Mmm ok, so what is it that you actually do?”
Oooh ‘SEX’ it must be something a little taboo….
More Info on Sex/Intimacy Coaching
I’ve noticed sex coaching has started being covered in the news and shows some more. For instance, I’ve seen it mentioned several times on Gwyneth Paltrow’s popular blog ‘Goop’, and I think that this shows the progress we’re making. I’ve personally witnessed sex coaching being sensationalised and even poked fun at. This is because there isn’t a clear understanding of what sex coaches do. I think there’s a few reasons behind this which I’ll get to.
For one, sex coaching is relatively new and most people don’t have much (if any) information about it. People also get really hung up about Sex and the word ‘sex’ Defining ‘sex’ is not as straight forward as just penetration. For example if a female sleeps/has sex with another female, how does one define if they are actually having sex? I believe it is what it is for you. Sex can be something that you just do, good or bad for you, and it is also different to Intimacy.
Why would you need a Sex/Intimacy Coach
We are not all born with the innate knowing of how to be a great lover. Sure, you can just go about sticking things in places, getting off etc etc however there is a difference between being ok at something, better at something and great at something. So, acknowledging that sex and intimacy is something you need to put in the effort to learn about, to educate and yes experience is necessary. I’ve personally learnt a lot through experience and different trainings over the decades and will continue to learn. I believe it’s really important to be open minded and willing to learn and it isn’t a sign of weakness of inexperience, as we could all do with some extra training. There are coaches for many different areas of life and this is just one. Sex coaches don’t just teach you about having sex with someone else, it all really starts with you. I go into this next point.
Sex Coaches Help You in Your Personal Sexual Life and Relationship Life
A sex coach is someone who helps you with your personal sexual life as well as your relationship life. This is so that you can heal your sexuality, fill in the gaps in your sexuality education, and learn to stand in your power as a sexual being. A sex coach will deal with all topics about sex head-on without any blame, shame, or negative judgment. I have found clients feel so comfortable opening up to talk about things they usually have been afraid to discuss. There is no shame at all in my space, only opportunities to learn and grow. There’s also the preconception that sex coaches are there to just help people in relationships. That’s completely untrue as I work with lots of people who are single and with people in relationships over the age of 18years. When a person is feeling great and confident within themselves and their sexuality it topples over into all areas of their lives.
Different ‘Types’ of Sex Coaches
Yes this is true. My approach is holistic (whole body). It’s a coaching process that I’ve developed organically out of the work that I’d been doing for many years, as well as Tantra and a fusion of modalities depending on the individuals circumstance. I’ve come to realise that there are certain things that everyone who wants to work on their sexuality needs to know and learn about to be a truly great lover. One thing is for sure if you are just going about things in an automatic way (very much in your head) then you are not going to get the most out of your experiences and most often this is when issues happen. Helping men overcome issues is one of the main areas I focus on. I’m not lying when I tell you that most of the people who have come for a Consult, their understanding of sex/intimacy is pretty less than average. This is because I believe sex education is hardly taught effectively when you’re an adolescent and there’s really not too much out there other than porn. People just fumble on thinking things may change and not knowing what to do. There is still SO much shame and guilt around Sex, Sexuality and Intimacy and this is why it is my passion to offer a non-judgmental space. Hopefully, this gives you an idea of the ‘type’ of Coach that I am.
Sex Coaches are all Different, have their own approach and style
Not all sex coaches are the same. There is no standardised sex coaching training, however there are some programs that train sex coaches in specific types of coaching practices. For instance, some coaches like myself work hands-on with clients (more on that below) Theres also coaches who might sit down and verbally just teach so more education and theory. There is no right nor wrong and consent and boundaries are very important. One thing is for sure, everyone is different there is no one size fits all so most Coaches will want to talk or have a Consult first before they decide if they want to work with you. Its also important that you do your due diligence and see if the type and style is right for you.
Sex Coaches are Educators
As I mentioned, a part of being a sex coach is also being a sex educator. Educating people to unsex/unlearn some of the things they have pick up as habits or from porn. While porn can be great, I’ve noticed the harm it can do in misinforming people’s understanding of what sex is and should be like. The best person to learn these things from is a sex coach because we have the knowledge, experience and can give you tips and tricks to improve yourself in the bedroom. Education is just the start however, there is much more than just this.
Hands on you say?
It’s also not just all the act of sex itself. Crawling, Walking then Running … there is a process that actually works. Sex coaches help you create change and get the most out of your body. They help their clients create new pathways for masturbations firstly, as self-pleasure is practice for the bedroom. We teach you how to pleasure yourself first before exploring anything else. One of the ways might be, the coach might be alongside a client and help whilst they are on the table, guiding and teaching you with their hands on how to ride the waves of pleasure and get your mind/body in sync, not focusing on trying too hard to be hard or trying too quickly to reach a climax.
Helping with Physical Blocks
Some coaches go even further lending more of a helping hand. Sexological Body Workers help clients with certain blocks in a physical way and this type of work can be very powerful for the right clients. I have a lot of respect for this work because of the powerful positive impact it can have in changing people’s lives and opening them up to a whole new world of pleasure.
Sex Coaches help you Transform Your Life
I believe it’s all about creating your life in the present. Yes, sex coaching can be therapeutic. It addresses your specific concerns in a powerful way that can transform your life right now. I focus on getting my clients out of their head, quietening their mind chatter and practicing being fully present in their body. It’s not all about the practical training though, we’re also here to help you overcome emotional blockages and traumas that may hold you back.
Creating Long Lasting Transformation
I know my work is very powerful and creates long lasting transformation in my client’s lives. I absolutely love helping people transform how they approach sex/intimacy and taking off the ‘blinkers’ to not only actually understanding their body but accessing more pleasure. Teaching them how to learn to love their bodies, celebrate their sexuality rather than suppressing, how to shift frustrating patterns, and how to have deeper intimacy and therefore much better relationship with themselves and/or their lovers. It’s an absolute honour to guide people through a process of coming home to their self and honoring their own deepest desires.
Don’t Wait to Seek Support
The truth is that most people won’t go out to seek the support they need as they are stuck in a pattern/habit chasing their tail.
Will you shut it down and put it to the back of your mind hoping one day the shame won’t eat away at you? Or may you will push it under the carpet thinking it’s not such an important part of your relationship?
Sexual energy is your life force energy it gives you zest for life. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, however it can be transmuted or upgraded. Will you be the one who decides to do something, prioritise and develop a great sexual life?
Rebel With a Cause
It’s my life’s purpose to help men open up and overcome sexual issues that are holding them back. The help couples reignite, delve deeper and work at having a great sexual relationship.
If you experience premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction get in touch with me.
If you have lacking in confidence and experience get in touch with me.
If you have tried with your partner but nothing has changed, get in touch with me.
If you’re feeling a bit excited as well as a nervous, that is a good sign as it reconfirms that this is important.
Where there is a will there is a way.
Rebel Glea
Sex and Intimacy Coach
