Rough and hardcore sex appears to be on the rise. While it isn’t too surprising given the popularisation of BDSM practices, it is something that does need to be practiced in a trusting and consensual environment.

Hardcore sex isn’t just attributed to males, the desire for rough sex is on the rise amongst women too. Like men, women are also influenced and conditioned by the porn.  However, one thing is important to note, and that is that not all women want to be pounded.

The majority of sex shown in porn is explicit and often depicts the woman being dominated. Repeatedly watching this style of hardcore sex is often what influences people to replicate this style of sex. It’s important for people to understand that hardcore sex needs to be consensual, which is why it’s not something I encourage people to practice on a first day and when you’re first getting to know somebody intimately.

A study from 2019 (Savanta, Con Res) revealed that 38% of females under 40 have experienced at some point “unwanted” slapping, choking, or gagging during consensual sex, and 42% of females said they had felt pressured into it. Those are high percentages and show that hardcore sex most definitely isn’t what you should be going for when you first start being intimate with someone.

Your first sexual experience with someone is the very first time two bodies are being intimate with one another, and there’s a vulnerability there that should be honoured. Enjoy your first sexual experiences with someone else as a way to learn their body and what they like. The foundation of kink culture is consent, so before going rough, hard and fast, actually ask the other person first if that’s something they’re into or open to trying.

If having these conversations seems scary, trust me that as you get more comfortable with someone it’ll feel easier to communicate your sexual desires. Having these conversations shouldn’t be scary at all. All it does is open up a conversation that can only lead to having better sex! I have found time and time again that the more openly people talk about their sexual fantasies, the better sexual satisfaction they experience.

Sex itself is such a beautiful and sacred experience between two people, that you don’t need to feel like you’ve got to be getting down and dirty in the bedroom every single time. Sure, it’s fun and kinky sex can be an incredible turn-on for people, but that doesn’t mean that that’s the only style of sex to have.

I’d love to hear from you if you are finding it hard to break away from having hardcore sex. I have a range of programs available helping men overcome sexual challenges and improve confidence and intimacy. You can book in a free discovery call with by clicking this link.  

 

REFERENCE

Savanta ComRes for BBC Radio 5